Who Was Your Dad Before He Was Your Dad? 10 Questions to Ask This Father's Day
- Brooke Baugh
- Jun 12
- 3 min read
Have you ever wondered what your dad was like when he was young, before he was a dad? What hobbies did he have? What was his after school snack? What was his favorite subject in school?
As a senior in high school, I vividly remember my AP Psychology teacher talking about how as humans we have a psychological need for deep lasting relationships. We each want to be loved and desire to give love. I believe that questions, thoughtful questions, can help us have deeper connections with our loved ones.
For my 24th birthday I asked my parents what they would tell their 24 year old selves. I was surprised with what they told me. Although their answers were validating and comforting as they felt very relevant to my 24 year old struggles. I had no idea my dad had experienced so much heart break in his 20’s and his answers ultimately sparked a conversation of what he learned from those experiences. This was a moment in my life where I was in the middle of going through a heart break, and hearing how my dad had struggled with a similar situation and then overcame it gave me hope and brought us closer.
This interaction reminded me that my parents have been my age, and they have gone through hardships that have shaped who they are. Social scientists have researched how when we know the formative experiences of our parents it helps us humanize our parents instead of seeing them as authority figures. It builds empathy and strengthens connections between family members.
Not only does this build empathy but when we preserve our fathers’ stories, research suggests that this builds resiliency in children. Learning these stories helps people have a strong sense of identity and feel rooted as they better understand where they come from.
So, with all of these benefits and experiences I decided to create a list of both deep and fun questions to ask your dad this week that will make him feel your love with your genuine curiosity!
1. What did you want to be when you grew up?
2. What did you do on a typical Friday night when you were 17 years old?
3. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?
4. What were you most afraid of and excited for when you became a parent?
5. What is something you believed at age 25, but have since completely changed your mind about?
6. What was your favorite job you had, and why?
7. Did you have a nickname growing up, and where did it come from?
8. What was the hardest season of your life before you had kids and what helped you?
9. What was your go to song or band in high school?
10. Was there a moment that changed the direction of your life?
There is so much to an individual and their lives, and I have loved using some of these questions to strengthen my relationship with my own dad as I have learned about hard projects he accomplished, and fun silly things he would do with his friends.
I encourage you to ask your dad these questions and see for yourself the laughter and reflection it brings as it strengthens your relationship!
Happy Father’s Day!
References:
Merrill, N., Booker, J.A. and Fivush, R. (2019), Functions of Parental Intergenerational Narratives Told by Young People. Top Cogn Sci, 11: 752-773. https://doi.org/10.1111/tops.12356
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